February 2012
friend: someone told me you look like an owl
me: who?
the whole class bursts into a roaring flame of laughter. tears start to fall from their eyes from laughing so hard. the principal walks in the room and slaps his knee. the local animals come in and create waves of laughter. god is laughing so hard he cant breathe. jesus starts clapping his hands and cracking up. the laughter dies down after about 2 hours, and everybody goes home with the memory of the funniest joke they've ever heard.
Stomach: fat
Legs: fat
Arms: fat
Face: fat
Reflection: fat
Me: fat
1 tag
I just asked my mom if I could have the pictures of Selena in Cosmo and she told me no cause it isn’t normal
fagoutboy:
i swear to god when fall out boy come back if they don’t release a song called “thnks fr th mmrs (bt srry fr th hts)” i will set myself on fire
If any of you are seeing the naked brothers band tonight or this weekend or know someone who is going give nat my number and tell him to HMU I’m being serious
taylorkathleenjardine asked: still constipated
oatmealraisinasians asked: wait babe what's happening are you okay?
1 tag
YoU don’t want me to even start
How are you going to slydig someone miss I’m “depressed” all the time you’re not depressed you’re just fucking bored
What I was told about you makes you a horrible person and I cringe when I see you on my dash I can’t believe I was your friend
tomsjiggle:
at recess in 5th grade someone asked me “is your refrigerator running?” and i said yes and they said “then you better go catch it!!!” and i screamed and started crying and ran to the bike rack and got on my bike and rode back home but my refrigerator was still in the same place and i didn’t understand why anyone would scare me like that
wakes up late: yolo
fails test: yolo
embarrasses self publicly: yolo
loses virginity: yolo
murders someone: yolo
is on americas most wanted: yolo
goes to jail: yolo
is on death row: yolo
gets executed: yolo
1 tag
Watchlungs-:
gOD OMGHMKJYUYIJK,
tomsjiggle:
you know what pisses me off oh man when people are messing around in class and the teacher politely tells them to stop and they get all mad like WHO THE FUCK HE THINK HE IS um he’s your teacher dumbass he works hard af to deal with hundreds of students a day you shut your mOUTH NOW
1 tag
Earlier I was making pudding and it caught on fire
whatafuckinfamilypicture:
My two role models in life would definitely have to be God and Flo Rida
The Maine hasn’t been in jersey since the harmony tour in 2010 but that doesn’t count so really since an evening with the Maine and that was AUGUST 2010
1 tag
Does anyone know anything about the Maine coming to Philly or jersey on the spring tour?
cosmo tip #12381
asiansnore:
get him in bed then smash him a crowbar and drag his dead body through the snow with a car
1 tag
Come close and i’ll whisper a secret, a story bout a girl no you don’t need to know what her name is but oh shit here she comes is that a crowbar oh my god fuck